Lately my mom and I have been

Apparently, I never was bratty , never said no or flatly refused to do something until I was 17. I remember this time, and I remember feeling that I was standing up for myself, asserting myself against someone who was overprotective, overcontrolling, and overcritical, refusing to be treated like a child. My mom, apparently, read it as pointless defiance and misbehavior. The whole "my house, my rules" and "if you don't like it, leave" is pretty much the response to anything I might try to refuse at home.

Sometimes even minor defiance or assertion would be met with overreaction - I can't tell you how many times my mom said she would call the police and say I'm trying to burn the house down if I use the stove or the washer. Likewise, the feeling of being controlled has infuriated me - refusing to give information or keeping things secret has long given me a sense of freedom and personhood I lack when I need to tell her everything. I keep asking her not to open my mail, but I come home to find everything from junk mail to paychecks open and waiting for me - isn't that a federal offense if it were anyone else? A frequent occurrence is the question "What did you eat today?", something I've refused to answer in the past just to feel like something in my life was my own; we'd get into a screaming match until I told her what I could remember. On a more severe example, she knows about my SH and a month ago said if she ever caught me doing it in the house, she'll call the police and say I'm attacking her (and since she has more money and a college degree while I'm a dropout with a psych history, the police will obviously believe her over me).

I now get that I had no business taking any kind of stand back then; but now it's different: I work, I pay a small rent (my mom's T doesn't think it's enough, that I should be paying that anyway out of "responsibility", but that's another matter), buy most of my own food, and do some chores around the house. It's basically a cheap, familiar place to live until I save enough to move out or go back to school. Surely, I have some place now to ask to not be treated like a mentally challenged toddler?

Well, let me go off on a relevant tangent. Over a year ago a psychologist diagnosed me with ADHD. After the meds made me worse, my mom concluded I don't have it, I'm, just undisciplined. Well, I realized from a conversation last night that there's a pretty good change I have some kind of executive function impairment, if my biggest problems in life are sustaining effort (I'm a terrible 'finisher'), planning, following schedules, and focusing long enough.

My mom's been threatening to send me to a "retarded home" because of these issues for years now, or some kind of camp or rehab program that will force me to live by a schedule, study certain subjects, and learn how to complete tasks. I keep telling her no such place exists, not that I could get into (either too smart, too old, or too well-behaved). Her new plan is to make me keep a planner that she will check every day, or just a schedule for her to approve until I learn executive functioning skills. She claims I need to be challenged mentally and physically, and I outright told her that if that happened I would fail...

This is someone who wants to force a college to make me go through a freshman "handholding" program where I report to half a dozen advisors a day if I go back to school, or who wants me to be sent to an internet addiction rehab program where I'll have zero access to any technology for at least six months because she doesn't feel I use my/"her" computer properly.

Sorry this is all over the place, but is there any way for me to actually be treated like an adult at home? Anything I can do to prove myself (especially considering executive functioning disorders, if I have one, can't actually be cured, just adapted to)? The control and infantilization is one reason I left, and I want to try to resolve it myself this time. I get I live in her home right now (but surely I'm not a "squatter" like she keeps saying...) but is there any way a parent can compromise and where "You live here, but don't own the place" means "I get to control and know everything you do".