Quote:
Originally Posted by lucidity11
I went to see my son today to take him to the therapist. The therapist cancled. So I took my 33 year old son food shopping. While sitting in the car talking my son told me he didn't love me. He also said he didn't believe I loved him. He told me I help him out of obligation. I told my 33 year old son that I have no obligation to him. That I help him out of love for him. I told him I am going to start looking out for my mental health now. I told him that what he said was hurtful. He didn't care. He was very matter of fact. He has told me this in the past but today was enough. I will help him within my ability as long as it isn't going to break me down emotionally and mentally. I feel numb right now. I cried when he told me but you can't make someone love you when they don't. I will move within the next two years and get on with my life. I can't do anymore for him. I'm drained.
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glad you are taking care of yourself....something you might not be aware of ...sometimes medications and head trauma makes it difficult and sometimes impossible for a person to feel things like love. love isnt something that can easily be defined so many people that I know with mental disorders and or on medications have a situation called lack of affect. this is the difficulty or inability to feel \ share\ show emotions. it might be a situation where biologically your son loves you but emotionally he doesnt feel it \ has trouble defining what it is, sharing it..
ways you can tell when someone who has lack of affect does have a biological love is when they want to spend time with the person even if its just to take a ride to the store to pick up necessities. a person with no love at all in them wouldnt get into a vehicle with someone they hate, would not talk with someone they hatein short have nothing to do with that person that they have a hatred for.
Im .....guessing.... your son does have love for you, he is just not .....feeling.... the emotion of love, therefore in his mind he doesnt love anyone even you.
it may be that his definition of love is different than yours too.
btw .... a part of being human means we do not love 100% of the time. a human beings emotions vary, its ok to not love someone all the time and every time we are with each other. if human being had 100% love for everyone 100% of the time, parents would not have disagreements with their children, adults wouldnt be fighting with each other, there wouldnt be divorce, wars and so many other things.
love isnt something that is the same for everyone and what it is changes from person to person, with experiences, and its ok to not feel love, just like its ok to hate, be excited, happy, cry, emotions just are and sometimes the feelings are there and sometimes they are not.
he has gone through a lot and if I remember right he has mental disorders that require medications so Im not surprised to hear he is telling you his mother, the one person he can depend on to accept him for how ever and who ever he may be, that he cant feel love for you.
my suggestion is to take it as an honor when he says this to you, (I know its hard not to take it as an assault against you) maybe tell him you are honored that he can share his feelings and share his lack of feelings with you, that nothing he says or does is going to change the fact that ....you...feel love for him.