OMG, just reading your post made me feel anxious! Is there any hope of you moving? It sounds beyond unhealthy. Your children are really suffering too in that environment I would think. Do they want to get out of there?

I grew up with Authoritarian parents and learned to hide everything! It was the only control over my life that I had. I also learned to be sneaky and somewhat manipulative. I am 53 years old and still hide things even though I have no real reason to. It's just a comfort for me. Btw, my dad would also say everyone was fat etc.... It was embarrassing. But luckily he had some wonderful moments too. Then my control issues turned into Bulimia, alcoholism and depression. Ugh!

I'm so sorry you are living like this. It sounds worse than a prison with all of the negativity and ugliness. I hope when you go out you are able to see some beauty in the world and choose to be around some happiness!