I had it as a teenager. It was awful! I felt so disgusting but I couldn't stop. My parents didn't know what I was doing (lived with my mom at the time and she was never home) so thankfully I was never shamed for it and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's hard for other people to understand such powerful compulsions...
I'm really glad to hear it's since gotten a lot better for you. Mine has almost entirely disappeared. If I look in the mirror up close too long, I get similar urges - sometimes very intensely but I almost always can avoid it now when I remember the pain it used to bring.
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Do at least one thing you enjoy each day.
Dx: BPD, OCD, GAD, and PTSD traits
Rx: Lamictal 200mg and 0.5mg Ativan as needed
"Now I can see all the colors that you see."
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