Usually our ts try to get a certain message to us on why something is happening. My t says that things don't happen to me that I do them to myself by wounding myself around what happened or that I am hurting myself or stopping myself from connecting or engaging.
My I wasn't being clear in my post, sometimes things make perfect sense in my head but then when I try communicate these ideas with others they find it hard to understand. Sorry if it wasn't clear, I hope this is clearer.