Hi Darkeyes;
Thanks for the response. Do you remember Tennessee William's play, later made into a film; "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof"? There was a line when Big Daddy understands what Brick is talking about and says that he can smell the stench of mendacity.
MENDACITY = a system of lies by which a group is held together.
In this family that is how it is. These are not my husbands people but the family of the woman who married my husband's cousin. This woman's parents are first cousins. Her children both have developmental delays and when this was revealed through testing at the local school she put them in private school and when the private school told the parents that the children had developmental delays she homeschooled them. They were adminstred tests for high school graduation when they were 14 and they each got 100%. The tests were administered and graded by this woman's aunt. She has told everyone in the community that this was proof that the school was wrong! The problem was that her children were too intelligent for public school! However talking with these adults for a few minutes and it is obvious they aren't "the sharpest tool in the shed". Now, I do not dislike these offspring they are sweet .
The point of me sharing all this is : this person responds to unpleasant situations, inability or failure as something that can be changed by saying what she wants the truth to be. She is of the "if you tell a lie long enough, it becomes the truth" philosophy.
She once went to a psychiatrist, at her husbands insistance, and she revealed that the psychiatrist had told her that she was fine, there was nothing wrong with her and she didn't need to go back.
I know that mental illness is no different than cancer or diabetes or arthritis, that there is often a physilogical reason for the behavior.
I need to know how to respond in a manner that does no harm emotionally or psychologically to this person. She can be sweet and charming and speak in a baby voice one minute then turn on a dime at perceived insult and fly into a rage and start on a tirade. I need to understand what is going on, how a person feels when they are going through this. I want to empathize and not become angry or harbor feelings of hatred towards this person.