I learned a lot camping last weekend with my grandchildren 24/7 and their father. It was fun too when my stepson quoted his own father (my husband) and told a story about when my stepson was a boy and how my husband had "solved" a behavior problem similar to the one the granddaughter was having now. I could see my husband had been a good father and my stepson was "practicing" what he had learned as a child about fathering.

When my aunt told me what I was like at 2 and 3 years old many things clicked for me. I could tell the stories were true because I could feel the rightness of them. I would have behaved that way, done those things, felt the way that was implied. I connected with that earlier self and that strengthened the present me, gave me "roots" of my own. She also told stories of her and my father's childhood and the family lore. I study genealogy because I learn about other family members and can get patterns of behavior/traits over 200+ years and identify with some of them too, know which particular part of the forest I belong in and why I'm attracted to "this" great grandmother and not the other, etc. One of my cats is named after my great grandmother who died 10+ years before I was born. What the heck is that?

When I get urges to certain behavior, am attracted to what I see or read, I often pay attention and "follow" the image/attraction. Pink, after class I would have gone out and found me a rocking chair or rocking chair substitute (for me, playground swings) and spent awhile seeing what "happened". Or, I might have found crayons of my own and drawn a picture for my T (or myself). Until I was in my 40s (I think was the last time) I occasionally use to buy crayons and a coloring book and pretend I was at coloring "school" :-) One had assignments (from the coloring book text) and had to only outline, only use one color, or not go out of the lines, or freestyle, etc. and I think I even had imaginary, competitive fellow students :-) I think it is not so much that you want these things such that you would kill your inner child, as what they can tell you about yourself if you look at them head on (like we're supposed to look at everything in therapy). I started grabbing all unconscious impulses/thoughts and treating them as I do dreams and I find them less "obnoxious" that way, less undesirable to my rational self. Get curious as to how the images could make you feel like crying instead of that they made you feel like crying. Fighting against one's self, pushing away and biting, kicking and pushing the inner child down doesn't get one anywhere, the inner child, being us, is just as ornery and resilient as we are and will pop up again! It doesn't matter that they "appear" all sad and fragile, they can cry you a river and drown you if they need to get you to pay attention to them. It is only taking them "seriously" and letting them help one by analyzing their images and sitting with them, etc. just as one would a "normal" T :-) that things get better/interesting. Yes, you are such a baby. . . and I mean that in the most flattering/positive way :-)