I don't think I can start again. I tried to break this up several times before, when I was much younger, it did not go well. I am tired. Sometimes, I just wish I could go away far, far away, just leave country and go somewhere else. Then maybe there won't be so many things reminding me of my life so far. But, I also have my parents, I have to take care of.
Looking back now, I think he never left because they made his life too comfortable. He never had to actually fight to survive. Never had to do chores until few years ago parents became incapable, but then it was too late. He is decent person so he realized he now has to help them, as they did everything for him. And of course, lets be honest, he can't leave as he can not provide for himself, and he is lost by himself. So, I do doubt they don't want him to leave, it's getting clear to me, has does not want to leave as he has no options.
I also have sudden terrifying realization about myself I don't like one bit. I started realizing it's not his parents that much, it's the fact that as I am getting older, I would like to see future with someone who could be my partner in every way. To help me when I need as much as I would help him. I am not looking for someone rich, but I would like to be with someone who is TRYING, who is stable and I can lean on him, someone who could be my equal partner, capable and resourceful, who can manage in most situation. I am afraid he will not even help himself and I will not be able to help him and it would be to difficult to watch his life deteriorate. I am barely managing my own life now (I live in a third world country, I am managing now, but it's very unstable here). What kind of person does that make me? Selfish? Anxious? Maybe I think too far upfront?