Hello worknonit80: Quite honestly... I doubt I have much of anything to offer with regard to this. But I saw that no one has replied to your post. So I thought I would. I'll just mention here that I'm an older man who has struggled with gender identity disorder (among other things) all of my life. This is my second time here on PC. The first time I was here, I posted in the Transgender Forum quite a bit. Now I seldom post my own Threads at all. There are a couple of things that strike me with regard to your post.

A day or two ago I replied to a Thread, here on PC, posted by a member who wrote that he was questioning if he is a narcissist because over the years he has hidden his feelings of inferiority (resulting from childhood abuse) by presenting a "big-me" sort of image. I could relate to this because I suffered similar abuse & also reacted the same way for many years. (I wrote that I didn't think that made him a narcissist.)

The other thing that came to mind, in reading your post, is how confusing & self-deprecating growing up transgender can be. It certainly has been for me. And, having watched many transition timeline videos on YouTube, I think I can confidently say this is the case for many, if not most, trans individuals. Of course, because of my own situation, my interest has been in the MtF direction as opposed to FtM. But I have to believe it is similar.

So with all of that as background, what I would like to suggest is that perhaps your ex's very big ego is masking a very big inferiority complex. And, likewise, perhaps his pursuit of straight women is a way of trying to validate his masculinity. You on the other hand, as a lesbian-identifying woman are a safe harbor, so to speak, in a world that for the most part still feels pretty threatening despite your ex's apparent big ego.

The upshot of all of this is, from my perspective, that what you are seeing in terms of your ex's behavior may be his attempt to resolve his own personal issues. It's not really about you... although you are experiencing some of the effects. So, assuming that this is the case, I think what you're going to have to decide is to what extent you're willing to continue to be enmeshed in your ex's ongoing efforts to resolve his identity issues. Only you know the answer to that. At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post. I wish you well...