I worry about this all the time. I worry that I won't be able to keep working even though we need the income. I worry that I'll deteriorate as a parent and damage my kids or my relationship with them. I worry that if my BP gets harder to deal with, it might drive my husband away. I worry that even though I typically only have suicidal ideation right now and only very rare, sudden impulses to do something dangerous there may come a time when I can't manage those impulses, or they become more frequent, or I may act on them in a permanent way.

But I try to remind myself of my work with my T. She spent a lot of time with me getting me to let go of the constant feedback loop of 'what-ifs' that fed my anxiety like a beast. I have to live with where I am right now. And right now, I'm able to function in my life. I accept that may change, just as I know I will have highs again, and lows after those, and highs, and lows...