I am freshly sober and had a slip up myself. And today In between hiding under the covers, I've called for "stuff". We're going to trip up. It's going to happen. I'm struggling hard to stay sober so all I can say is I know how you feel and it's ok. And you can always come back from a slip. Can you go to a rehab? Are you open to that? PM me anytime if you need to talk.