LOL! I've discussed my mother with all of my Ts. I saw my first T about 4 months after my Mom died but it took months before I told my T. She was kind of in shock as to why I hadn't thought to tell her, and maybe that was why I was depressed! Then we got into the "unmet needs" stuff and how my mother gave me too much or too little, but how I shouldn't blame her. That T was the first to diagnose me with BPD, which she did via discussion with a consultant, as my T was a social worker.

My next T, a child psychiatrist, psychodynamic like the first, talked a lot about my Mom. They both thought my pattern was about making the fantasy relationships any way I wanted. Not sure how that relates to my Mom. These Ts were back in the 1980's and early 90's. I should reread my journals!

Also saw a CBT psychologist who went over the diagnosis with me in the DSM and confirmed it with me. I forgot what BPD has to do with relationship with mothers.

The Ts thought I had problems with developmental stages though never used word attachment. Only heard that from current T. Mostly it was unmet needs due to Mom not being attuned to me but how they figured that out I have no idea! Or from being a preemie. Or my brother and his sexual play.

So Mouse, that's what my Ts said. Like you say. No one's fault. It was what it was!