So basic information I am 20 from Australia and this is basically a spot that i am going to talk about stuff. So basically my whole life stuff has been bad for lack of a better word. I've moved around a lot and at every school I went to I had trouble fitting in and making friends.

From year 1 until year 8 I went to 4 different schools and there was always a group of people who bully me either physically or emotionally or both. Whenever people asked me how I got hurt or why I was upset I would always lie and say that I fell over or something like that. I didn't grow up with many friends and even the people I did consider friends would use me as the punchline for most of their jokes. From year 2-6 was the worst of it, every day I would be slammed into lockers or tripped or I would get my books and glasses stolen off me. I ended up running from the classroom straight to the library where I would hide reading during lunch times hoping they wouldn't find me.

Basically my early schooling life sucked and that's led to some pretty serious issues developing. From about year 8 I met some people at my school one of which I am still really good friends with today but a lot of people in the group that friend was part of didn't like me. They found me annoying and argumentative and to be a really big smart *** after a little while. They tried to get me to come out of my shell and when I did they hated what I was. I took things too far most of the time continuing on arguments when I should have let them be and making witty comments that people found annoying.

So pretty much school was a place that I hated going to but home got pretty bad around year 11 when my parents started to get really involved with my grades. They were very demanding when it came to them. I was a band 5/6 student which I think is about A/B but my parents expected all As or I wouldn't make them proud and pretty much turned home into a pretty bad place as well. When I didn't go well in a test I would get yelled at and punished because I didn't meet their standards. During this time school got worse because that really good friend I mentioned earlier got 2 next door neighbours (twins) who were in our year at school. They were giant compared to me. We 3 had Harri as a mutual friend but we didn't really get along. Whenever he was away from school I would always have water thrown on me or be pushed onto the ground. I laughed it off because I thought Harri preferred them as friends, as they shared more interests (I don't really know if that's true to this day but he is pretty good friends with them) and I didn't want to lose Harri as a friend. This probably sounds like a lot of complaining but I just wanted to have some people to tell what happened to me.

I started uni this year and it was a pretty rough start. For the first half of the year I had no friends because I was too scared to make any because of my past experiences. There were these 2 people in particular that I wanted to talk to for the longest time but kept losing my nerve everytime I went to talk to them. They sat at the end of my row in chemistry and maths lectures and I had overheard their conversations sometimes and they had similar interests to me but I didn't have the courage to speak the them. In June just before exams were about to begin one of them invited me over to talk to them which was a real miracle because I was just about to give up and call quits on life. They are a great bunch of people and I've since been introduced to more of their friends and that one act of inviting me over made my life 10000x better. I just feel a little guilty every about things to do with them, like the person who invited me over is amazing, he gives me lifts everywhere, is great company, gives brilliant advice and is all round a good guy. I just feel like I have nothing to offer these guys back and I am sort of just dead weight. I have tried to pay for the lifts but everytime I go to do it I just almost freeze up and think that's it's not a good time or whatever. I just feel like I have nothing to offer them and I really want to because they are amazing people.

I think that I am also a burden to them to. I have had a bunch of issues with family, work and money this year but and sometimes I've been in a foul mood at uni and sort of taken it out on them and I am worried that they are mad about it and are only sticking around me because they are not heartless enough to tell me to get lost.

I don't know sorry for the huge rant but I just needed somewhere to talk about my life as it currently stands. Thanks for taking the time to read