Rainbow8, I can relate to this a lot. Almost as far back as I can remember I have obsessed about people in a position of authority who were always unavailable to me as the parent figures I wanted them to be. Ts are just the latest in a long line. I have so many interpretations as to why I do this when I always had a mother that loved me, I guess the truth is I'll perhaps never really know. However, some things that other posters have said jump out at me personally: lack of object constancy, fantasizing about ideal relationships (my escape from reality) and a mother's love not being about the child. I also wonder if for me there could be a theme of obsessing over unavailable people. Maybe my mother was emotionally unavailable. Maybe however painful this obsessing and fantasizing is, it is not as frightening as actually meeting my emotional needs in real life. Who knows?

I can completely understand feeling that the obsessing isn't justified when you had a mother that loved you though. I feel the same but for me it's because I feel terribly guilty and ashamed for these obsessive attachments. It seems as if I'm ungrateful and greedy. Most of all, I hate living with this day to day. There is always this need to obsess over someone and it never goes away. When one person exits, I find another.

I really hope you can get to the bottom of this with your T and find some peace of mind.