Hi there - you are not selfish and your needs DO matter. I see an EMDR trauma T too and do well with it ( and yes it's tough ). Perhaps your partner is just starting to recognise her own trauma and is doing the normal thing of looking for information and saying what she's feeling which then leaves you feeling " hijacked " ( this is how it looks from my third party perspective ). I understand your T won't see you both due to BACP framework , do you think you might benefit from couples counseling with someone else to work through this ? Wish you well and sending you safe , gentle hugs if wanted.