When I felt like self harming ( and I did mild attempt twice) it wasn't because I wanted to make my pain visible or wanted help. I felt anger that had no outlet for me, so I had to release pain. I don't drink, don't do pills, don't smoke, and was living with other people do screaming was out of the question. Self harm ( I bit my arm pretty bad) did help at the moment.

I also had developed huge shopping addiction to mask a pain and overall I felt really weird ( I thought I was having mania, my t says that severe reaction to severe stress could look and feel like mania). At that moment I knew that I had to leave.

This is no way to live. 20 or more years of unmet needs is way too long IMHO