I have never felt particularly connected to my private therapist in the three and a half years that I have been seeing her. I like her, but we don't have some sort of deep and profound connection. She is just someone to talk to, and I often wonder if that is enough, especially after what I've had with my therapist at university. We just don't seem to bond; I could stop seeing her right now and it wouldn't have much of an impact on me. Is that sad?

The thing is, my uni therapist was relentless in her efforts to push me out of my comfort zone, and once she had done that I ended up attaching to her quite spectacularly. Because she was so open and honest about her own feelings, I began to open up to her as well, and it happened pretty much straight away; I felt connected to her during our first session. It kind of scared me. Over the year and a half I was seeing her I never once felt disconnected from her. We had some terrible ruptures, but they happened because the connection became too intense for me and I just wanted to run away from it. I wanted her to be my mum. I still do.

My private therapist is fairly reserved. She has commented a few times on how I seem to just describe things to her rather than exploring my feelings or whatever, and she's right, of course. I can't seem to do that with her. With my uni therapist it felt safe to do that, and to let myself feel the pain and cry if I had to, because I knew she would love me, then. She would come and sit next to me and hold me, and it was okay to be vulnerable because I was with my emotionally available mother. I've never felt that safe with anyone else, ever, and certainly not with my private therapist. It just doesn't feel right with her.

I guess I've never felt that "in-between" thing, fluctuating between connection and disconnection with the same therapist, so I have no idea what that is like. But I agree with Mona: if your therapist is a blank slate, it would be difficult to maintain a connection. I don't think a blank slate therapist would work for me at all.