This is just my opinion, but I often think that the power of our parents / relationship with parents gets a little over-hyped in psychotherapy, as though they are the only source of our behavioral patterns. I don't mean to devalue the importance of whtever happened (or did not happen) with our parents in critical periods of development, and it's supported by ample scientific evidence also. What I mean is that we are also influenced by a myriad of other factors, people and relationships in our lives, both as children and as adults. Like Echos mentioned, it is very complicated.

I also have strong obsessive tendencies and I often think that wanting to know the answer to everything, figuring out how everything works is one of the most prominent of these obsessions. I sometimes pride myself on thinking of this so called "seeker mentality" as a positive feature, but all the searches can equally be just other manifestations of the obsessional tendencies. So I am trying to consciously stop myself and needless to say, it is rarely comfortable. Asking all the "why" questions and getting answers is often a good thing but just like everything, it can also turn negative when done in excess.

I have a tendency for obsessive interactions with people who piqued my interest and it did start in childhood/adolescence but I don't think primarily in relation to my parents, more other kids and people. In the first 10 years of my life I was frequently bullied by other kids and so felt like being an outcast in my social environment most of the time, except with some adults (e.g. my father and some of his friends, some teachers etc) mostly, but even with the adults it was very selective. As a result, I developed a strong tendency to look for individuals that I feel are similar to me, and then get obsessive. For me the "similarity" factor also often meant similarity in relational style, including this interpersonal intensity but just as much a very strong desire for independence and often withdrawing. Needless to say how this combo has created a dual drive of polar opposite forces, which often got reinforced throughout my life due to encounters with similar people, or even just perceived (imagined) similarities. In other words, a strong transference pattern, which in my case I think was reinforced by relationships with other people who had their own push/pull ambivalent style. The desires rarely remained unrequited, much more characterized by intense fluctuations on each side. Of course all this comes back boldly in my therapy relationships, even with current T who is trying really hard to remain even and consistent, but is undeniably affected by it (we discussed it in the last couple sessions).

So what is the solution to all this? I honestly don't know but I believe more and more what others also pointed out on this thread, that it is just something I carry and it will be much more constructive for me to really learn to accept it instead of the intense waves of confusion and shame I often experience due to the ambivalence.