Your pattern might be to seek what is familiar to you. At least that's the theory. Others have said similar things-your mother might have not been emotionally available. So you are seeking out the experience again by your obsession with unavailable people. And your fantasies sound like a need for control.

People who are not emotionally available can still love someone or appear to be a good parent.

I strongly agree that being a premature baby in the hospital likely led to some of your issues. Maybe it is a combination of things.