Quote:
Originally Posted by SoConfused623
Yes, my T is a blank slate which is why I have this problem in the first place. I asked her to tell me a little bit about herself and she asked me to GUESS what I thought that she'd be into! I made a couple of guesses and then pushed back asking her to tell me and all that I got was she preferred baking (I had guessed that she liked cooking" and that she likes spending time outdoors. That's all that I she wants me to know.
I was so frustrated and ended up extensively googling her and found out a ton of info. Later I felt guilty and told her about my googling and about a couple of general things that I found. Luckily, I withheld a LOT fo what I had found. She was mad and while we have made amends for the most part, I still struggle with the fact that she won't tell me anything but on the other hand it's so frustrating that I know a lot but can't mention it!
There is always an underlying struggle like when I asked her where she was going on vacation and all that she gave me was the name of the state and then kind of stared at me. It makes me feel like I shouldn't ever ask any questions because I feel so rejected when she won't answer them.
I really wish that I knew the future and how this was all going to shake out.
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The last sentence really struck me.from just reading your posts I can see that you give your t a lot of the power in relationship. She is not in charge, you do have a choice in your future and what happens in it!
I doubt your t will ever share anything especially since she got mad at you for googling! Which BTW is completely normal and unstandable, is your t curious as to why you googled and you really want to know more about her. Sounds like she reacted from an insecure place within herself instead of using this as a place to start working from.
I would feel rejected and ashamed too by her reaction. Maybe what you needed was understanding and a little reassurance that this is normal for clients. Maybe your t feels that by do using on her you are not doing your own work but this is the work. This is where you really find out your needs and wants within a safe relationship.