Quote:
Originally Posted by Argonautomobile
I realized after I posted that I could have been more diplomatic. It must be hard to hear people criticize someone you like and respect. Hope things go well for you, Mona.
|
Well I swing myself from loving her to hating her, so other people criticising her hurts and doesn't her. It depends on which pole I am operating on.
Thank you for your post and there is no need to be more diplomatic, sometimes the truth hurts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Mine makes suggestions depends on a topic. I don't think she ever tried to get any messages across. It sounds as your t sees you repeatedly doing or not doing something and she feels you are resisting to change? Hence her need to keep hammering the message?
|
Yes my t sees me hurting myself all of the time and it makes her frustrated and sad. Maybe she has run out of empathy and energy to get the message across differently. She read me a poem about two months ago that somebody had suggested she read and since she read me that poem I have started to change my way of being in the world. I often told her to stop dictating to me what I need to do that I will do it when I am ready and now I am ready and like in the poem, I woke up and knew what I had to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuietMind
To me, there is a difference in meaning between "You have choices despite your past, and current adverse circumstances limiting your choices" vs "You are blaming everything on your past and on current adverse circumstances".
I had a T who would say to me "Stop being a victim, take personal responsibility" and he meant it as I had choices to leave a job where I was getting sexually harrassed and bullied and that I "brought on or attracted" bullies to myself because of my behaviour.
He was assuming I had an external locus of control and was trying to shift it to an internal locus of control but his manner and examples were horrible and definitely felt like "victim blaming."
While I don't like your T's manner (I'm sorry, I do recognise your words that she can be really good and empathic sometimes), could she be trying to convey a similar point? (She's doing it in a really shaming way...)
|
I am really sorry your t treated you like that Quietmind, were you able to work through this or did it lead to a huge rupture. When my t keeps saying things like that and blaming me it often leads to a huge rupture. The message she gives is often a good one but the way she delivers it is like a knife in the back.
If there is one thing I cannot stand is victim blaming and it is happening more and more in our culture.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
I don't think the woman has any useful message that is relevant to me. The first one tries to use my dogs ("if someone did that to the dog would you be upset or think it wrong or protect them" sort of crap - but to me that is just stupid - they are dogs - so it is very different.) or sometimes she says "would you say that to your friends" - and my response is I probably would not say it but I would think it.
Now I just don't let her talk so if she has any message she has to keep it to herself.
|
I really find this way of working frustrating with ts. One of my ts used to say something similar and I told her that this wasn't working for me, I understand what she is trying to say without using this pointless exercise.