I can see that from how you post, that it's your mother that's at the center of it all at the end of the day.

Narcissists can be incredibly hurtful, a lot of people call them sadists which sometimes is fair but often times I think it's not fair. Narcissists are usually a lot less concerned about maliciously harming someone than about preserving their image of themselves. They don't want their perfect reflection shattered, they'll do anything to avoid it and that often means harming others. But that's not the *point* of their behavior. If a narcissist hurts you it's because you got in their way or bruised their ego and they're desperately trying to recover from it. Sometimes victims of people with NPD are pretty surprised to learn that the abuse was never about them in the first place, it was really just about the narcissist(of course, it's all about them after all lol.)

Psychopaths and sociopaths have very different motivations than narcissists do. If your mother is a psychopath then she's probably playing a long game of power and control with your father, and every psychopath I've met loves that game no matter how they play it.

I agree that's not exactly my definition of compassionate either, and I'm an amoral asshole.