(((((((((( hereiam ))))))))))

i'm sorry you felt so strongly about wanting to cut. it can feel a bit frightening and disturbing to not be in full control of self-destructive urges.

like last night i went out with my friend since it was her birthday party but i only had one drink. in the car a group of us were talking about drink and my friend said she could easily be an alcoholic. i said the same, thinking about the time last year when i was drinking too much every day. but she laughed and found it funny because I haven't drunk any alcohol since then and she didn't know i was drinking. but just having that one glass (1shot of southern comfort and diet coke) made me 'thirsty' and I really wanted a drink when i got back to her house but there wasn't anything there i could really drink (cheap beer and cheap wine make me sick/ feel sick) which made me annoyed. But later i felt depressed when the alcohol wore off and i wanted to cut too, which would be the first time in many months. but i didn't because i didn't know where my blades are since my bedroom has been re-decorated and things are still very disorganised. But yeah, I know this isn't really very relevant since I haven't had such a strong craving as you but urges can spring up most unexpectedly, and at difficult times too. i hope your urges pass soon.