Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile
I am really sorry your t treated you like that Quietmind, were you able to work through this or did it lead to a huge rupture. When my t keeps saying things like that and blaming me it often leads to a huge rupture. The message she gives is often a good one but the way she delivers it is like a knife in the back.
If there is one thing I cannot stand is victim blaming and it is happening more and more in our culture.
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Fortunately for me, that T (a counsellor doing brief, solution focused counselling) referred me up for psychotherapy. I felt too shamed to contest his words.
My current T (clinical psychologist) and I did have a rupture when she asked "Do you want to remain a victim?" several times in a session. The next session, I explained the negative connotations of the "victim vs survivor" dichotomy (that victim is often used to shame and survivor is seen as someone moving forward), and how her choice of words was hurtful even though I presumed she meant well. She apologised for her choice of words hurting me, but I don't think she understands why it's shaming.
Victim blaming in my culture is common and I can't stand it. I used a rape analogy to try to explain to my current T - how she would hopefully never imply a rape victim was "choosing to stay a victim".
I'm going to try to explain to her using burglary as an example. How society doesn't shame a victim of bulgary or demand they call themselves survivors to prove that they're "moving on and taking personal responsibility" while people who suffer interpersonal harms are often shamed and blamed.
ETA: I trust that your T means well for you, Mona, but her delivery being so shaming and cutting is not beneficial for you.
I'm disturbed by how she comes across as blaming you.