Thanks for replying, Perna. True...I've been told that before, but it just never seems to sink in. Maybe I should write it above my bed, or something.

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Somewhere along the way you probably have it on an unconscious level that schools harbor shooters and that you're in danger. Why you have that idea, what it does or doesn't do for you or "mean" to you (may be like a dream and not be literal shooters but just kids that "act" like shooters) and you haven't found the right "words"/image/feelings to help make you feel safe is all. It's not a character flaw or unimportant or anything to apologize for! It's "your" thing. Everyone has/gets to have their thing! To this day I hate having classes with substitute teachers, I always feel anxious and like the class is going to get badly out of control and dangerous things will happen. I can't watch movies like Dangerous Minds because they're too scary. I'll be 57 years old next week!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That could be it. One of the things I don't like about university is that it doesn't feel very secure - hardly any security cameras that I can see, we don't get asked to show ID much, and nobody locks the building doors! I guess it's good to have the freedom, but I'm not keen on the idea that anyone could get in. Good to know it's not a character flaw, though.

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\You feel like you feel and you're "entitled" to feel that way, Rio! It's wholly appropriate and "good" even. You can't feel "better" if uncomfortable feelings don't make themselves manifest in the first place so you can "see" them and work with them. That's a wonderful bit of work you've done in this post, figuring out you feel like you shouldn't have a problem because you weren't "there".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Thanks. That's true! I've actually felt like I shouldn't have a problem with this for a while now...it was what my first post on this board was about. I still remember a couple of girls in my year getting told off by a teacher at one of the anniversary assemblies because they were crying - the teacher pointed at the year below, and told the girls that if the year below were fine, then they should be too. I went through a phase when I was about 15 or 16 where I was too scared to talk about it to anyone in case they thought I was just making up how I felt about it to get attention. So, I guess I have made a bit of progress since then!