I second the suggestion of a birthday do over. I know people who have birthday weekends, never mind just one day. And given this is your anniversary too, I think your husband should not be let off the hook. I've been like you in the past where these things happen and I had delayed emotional reactions and would get mad after the fact. This is rarely an effective way to handle things and I've learned how to advocate for myself more. So even if I don't feel angry he says or does something wrong, I still try to at least let H know he screwed up. That way he knows right away and it's (sometimes) on his radar to correct the situation. This was a very big screw up on his part so let him suffer a little. I hope you are feeling better soon so you can do something for yourself.