I think each client and each therapist is so different that there isn't a "one size fits all" way of defining what difficult means. And, I think it can be fluid; changing all the time.

That being said, I do believe I can be a challenging client. I also think challenging and difficult are two different things. I am challenging because I have a lot of issues that need to be worked on. I am also quite entrenched in behaviors at this point in time. I am also not consistently medically stable. Because I am in a labile place, we have to focus on life-threatening issues first which mean that we can't always work on what we actually need to. I struggle with shutting down, dissociating, and acting out. While that doesn't make me a bad person, it does make therapy more difficult. I do have a tendency to whine and to say no. A lot. But, as soon as we work past the initial feelings that come up, I am compliant. She recognizes it is fear that causes me to behave that way and she just stays firm and consistent. As she continues to be consistent with me, some of that behavior has dissipated. My fear of abandonment and not understanding attachment is also challenging. But, that's all part of the reason I am in therapy and is not difficult, but something we will continually need to process and work through. I would say the most challenging thing about me is that I struggle with having behaviors even in her presence. So, there is a lot of work done just to keep me safe in the moment. I used to think I was "bad," but my T has been consistent in just telling me that I'm okay and not doing anything wrong. She is reassuring and understands that my actions are not intentional and are just a way of communicating. She redirects me, I try, and we move forward. She probably deserves a medal, but she doesn't let on and I appreciate that. Especially since I have been told I'm difficult and a handful before...

A previous therapist would constantly punish me for being who I am. If I was needy, there was always a derogatory statement and an action. For example, she offered text support. I did not abuse this! But, because I communicated the fact that I was dealing with attachment and some neediness surrounding a particular situation, she took it away. The situation, by the way, was the fact that she cancelled about every other week. I didn't feel safe and would ask for reassurance only to be told I was wrong for having any sort of feeling. She would also tell me that she couldn't understand why I wouldn't accept everything she said. If I was expressing shame over trauma and she said it wasn't my fault, she would become angry and resentful if I still stated I had shame around the situation. She would analyze me and tell me what I was feeling and then become frustrated if I corrected her or tried to explain. It got to where I felt I had no insight and that I was actually not able to process events, thoughts, or emotions logically or rationally. She said I was difficult for not getting well on her timeline. If someone else experienced X, why couldn't I? She refused to acknowledge my dissociative disorder and would put me down for having it. Or, rather, for not having it or whatever it was she believed. My behavior was always the issue and she would solely see the behavior and shut down versus working with me to understand it. She thought I was defiant and a brat. And, she would offer consequences for everything. In the end, she detached and then I terminated to begin working with someone else. I was her definition of difficult and I began to take that on. While I am sure I have my moments, overall, I want to get well and do the work - it just takes me some time. In the end, it was likely she who was difficult.

Everyone is different. Every day is different. Difficult to me would be someone who was only there due to being forced to be; someone who had no internal motivation to work on things. And, even then, I would only say that person was difficult if there had been significant time that passed with no shift in motivation or desire for help. Not paying, insistence that the therapist provide services that were unethical, and serious threats of harm or violence would be my other concerns. Having feelings, acting on thoughts and emotion, and questioning things are challenges, but don't mean that someone is undeserving of understanding, patience, and help. And, what's difficult to one may be an enticing challenge to another. Everything is variable.