I'm a recovering alcoholic. I've been sober a little over a year. My last drink ended up badly and I've been sober since. I understand the feeling of just wanting to numb and not deal. I have those feelings at times. I will say over time that it does get easier. I go to AA and find it helps for me but I know for some people it doesn't. There are several different programs out there. SMART, Women for Sobriety, Life Ring, etc. I did have to change my friends, it was hard, but it was too hard to try to stay sober while they are drinking. Hang in there! Hugs!