I care for my longtime companion who is a lot older than I am. He has mobility impairment and mild dementia. He gets around with difficulty, using a walker. We don't live together, but - in actuality - I am at his place most of the time, sleeping over most nights.

After a long struggle to get him help he is eligible for, as a person of low income, he now has a home attendant who comes by to render quite a bit of help. In that sense, things are much improved and I can go home to where I live for more time.

I guess I'm here mainly to whine. He has gradually worsening mild dementia, probably vascular dementia. His personality has changed a lot, with the latest thing being that he is prone to anger. He used to have a sparkling sense of humor, but much of that is gone. At times, he can be very endearing. I really care for him, and I'm making it possible for him to stay home, rather than be in a nursing home. I'm not looking for any pats on the back . . . just some empathy. He blows up at me, and this is happening a lot.

In the middle if the night, he'll get up to sit in the livingroom and end up sleeping in a chair for as long as 5 hours. This is bad, as it leads to his legs and feet swelling. So I'll try to gently rouse him and encourage him back to bed. But he gets startled and gets quite angry. Getting him to do just about anything is like pulling a tooth. Just getting him to take a shower is a challenge.

I'm getting depressed and demoralized from him snapping at me so frequently.

Having the attendant is not as much help as I hoped it would be. I find that these attendants, who are rather lowly paid, seem to have no initiative and tend to not know how to do anything. They are supposed to be "homemakers," but they don't even have basic skills at doing laundry or simple cooking. About all they can do in the kitchen is reheat something that I have already cooked. They have no idea how much detergent or bleach to put in the washing machine. This may sound hard to believe, but it is the absolute truth. I often have to rewash dishes they've done. At least the person coming now is nice and willing, so I figure I'll just keep teaching her things. My goal is to be able to go home to my own place for like 48 consecutive hours, without having to run over to check on him and the attendant.

I'm retired and have the time to help my friend. But I wish he did not get belligerent so often. Some of it he probably can't help. He was in a nursing home recently for a few months, and I thought the conditions there were not good.

I get backup and even moral support from the VA, but that's it. His family (3 adult children) are far away and show little interest. They've said to me, "He's just a pain in the @$$, and we don't know why you go so much out of your way for him." So, though they call him now and then, but they never call me.

I know I could wash my hands of the whole thing. I choose to be his main caregiver. But, at times, I get very demoralized. I don't know what I expect anyone to tell me.