You're in one tough situation! I was in the same situation all the years I was raising my middle son.

I think your bf needs to find out where his own boundaries lay before he can help you decide what yours are. Can you talk to the child's mother and get a feel for where she is?

One thing I know for sure. You don't want to marry this man until you've got this all ironed out. He needs to come to some conclusions and soon, for everyone's benefit.

I wish you the best in this.