I emailed and asked for another session. Short scheduling email. It will be Friday, the 16th, in addition to my session next Tuesday. I didn't sign "love" and T didn't either. I know she loves me so it's probably better not to write it.

This is so hard for me! It hurts. When I was holding my breath in the session, T had me "put" my daughter on one side of me and a close friend on the other. It helped a little but I still had those feelings for her. It was harder today because she looked good but I didn't tell her that.

She said maybe I'll have a boyfriend in my life. I said "or maybe not." I told her I was pushing her away, using black and white thinking. We agreed that's not good. She's my T, which is what she's supposed to be, not my fantasy mother, friend, or partner.

Accepting that is harder than anything I've had to do in my whole life because it started in first grade I think.