Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
Our homework after first session was to make a list of what we wish we could change about each other and a To Do list of what each other should do.
I've been thinking about it all week. At this point, I don't have a wish of what I want. What I keep coming up with is a list of wishing I could change my feelings, knowing I can't change him and make him someone he is not.
I'm not sure what I am going to write.
I don't even want to ask for anything anymore.
Feeling like there's too much inherently wrong with me. Feeling too hurt. Just feeling too sick to do anything.
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Marriage counseling can be hard, I know. But the only way it's really helped H and I is when we've both been open and honest in there. And it took us both time to get there (like months).
Is the list supposed to be more ideal qualities your H would have? I think your T probably just wants you each to talk about what you think is missing. Not that you think your H is going to change who he is entirely, but just little changes maybe. I mean, at one point, I wish I said my H had more empathy and understanding, that he listened more. And we've worked in session on what exactly I mean by that, because maybe he's feeling empathy but doesn't know how to show it. (That's just an example, of course.)
Now, if you're like, "I wish my H was 6 inches taller and much better looking"--well, that probably isn't something you could change! But if it was, say, "I wish he'd do more nice things for me" or "I wish he'd do certain chores without my having to ask" or "I wish he'd listen to me talk about why I'm struggling"--those are all things you can work with in session and at home.
Good luck, and feel free to PM me if you have any questions about marriage counseling.