To everyone who told me to enjoy my 'numb' phase while it lasted... you were all absolutely right. Before I knew it everything came rushing back and I now so wish to be numb again. Nothing feels right. I live in constant fear (of what? I don't know) every single minute of the day. I'm paranoid, holding back tears all the time, and I can't help but feel sorry for everyone.

When I used to feel miserable I still felt like I was sturdy... that I could take a beating and still come out standing... but now I feel so fragile like if I'm feeling really bad I want to cower in a corner or hide under my blanket.

Last week I think I was on the verge of a breakdown. I panicked and came to the conclusion that I think I really do need help in order to survive. I finally researched some therapists in my area and was very shocked and disappointed to see how much they charged. I knew they would be a little pricey but I still didn't expect what I found. I kind of mellowed out since then but if I have another breakdown like that I might just have to fork up the money anyways. Sorry for the long rant.