Thank you all above for taking the time to read my posts and extend your kind words.

Sprout: I do need to remind myself that much of the behavior I'm seeing is probably dementia driven. Thanks for being brave enough to suggest that. You know, caring for sick elders is what I did most of my life as a nurse who worked mainly in geriatric settings. I have a ton of experience working with people with dementia. But I never knew those folks as being any different from how they were on their last few years. My S.O. is not confused or way out in left field. I had no idea that, even in the absence of severe senility and very obvious dementia, a person could lose so much mental capacity. I had no idea personality could change so much. Not what is deepest in his heart, but so much of what defined him in the past. I am grateful that he is not prone to depression and is very accepting of not being able to do so much of what he used to enjoy. But I am astonished at how hard it is for him to think through lots of ordinary things . . . how slowly I have to explain little things, so that he can follow what I'm saying. And I think you are right about it being harder for him to empathize or really imagine how this is for me. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be very mobility impaired. I would be so frustrated that I'm sure I wouldn't be too pleasant too be around. Mostly, he is quite pleasant.

I would love to meet others in my position. There's so much that you can't even explain to others not going through this . . . even to people who shoukd know better. A physical therapist came to assess him and was critical of me not making him exercise more. I'm already struggling with him just to get him up to the bathroom or into the shower.

Tisha: I know I have the option you mention. Maybe it will get to be too much, but it's not that bad yet. I have cared for others in their homes right up to the end. That was my job. There really isn't anything he's likely to need that I don't know how to do . . . and am still strong enough to do. My goal is for him to pass away in his own bed, with me right there. The VA will provide just about anything I might ever need, like hospital bed, etc. I've done this before. But I left at the end of my shift, every day, and went home. I'm here with my boyfriend close to 24/7. At least, now, I can leave for a few hours when the attendant is here.

justa: I wish I could find an on-line support group . . . or a group in my community. I do have access to respite care either in a nursing home, or via more helo in the house - if, say, I wanted to go away for a week, or even longer. He's just recently gotten out of a facility, and he's been frail and currently just getting over an infection. So, for now, I'm staying put, as I try to get him more stabilized thsn he's been

wrench: your mother is lucky to have you living there. As you say, at times I feel like a servant.

Trippin: I think you've got it tougher than I do. I must say . . . aren't your older siblings blessed to have you there taking care of mom! You are dealing with a lot of issues similar to what I am, though in your mom's case, the dementia is far worse than with my boyfriend. I hope your sibs give you some support.

Christina: Going to his place every other day would not suffice. But there is funding for more hours of care. My goal is to be able to go home for 48 to 72 hours in a row once a week. That would be huge. I do have to accept that delegating more to attendants means some things won't be done exactly as I would do them. Maybe he and his attendants need me a bit more out of the way, so they can evolve their own relationshios. But it's scary what a low standard these attendants are held to.

Now I have to make a pot of beef stew . . . something the attendant can easily just heat up. I'm tired, but I better get that done.