It helped me to acknowledge that my parents did the best job they could and were and are still suffering with their own challenges, some similar to my own. I found that to move forward I had to acknowledge blame and let it go.

I wonder if it might be possible to ignore one's perceived flaws and in-competencies, or to not look at one's life experiences in terms of failing or succeeding for being competent or incompetent.

I am codependent and I've been researching it for a while and have found some very helpful information.

Internal Family Systems talks about our Parts (which includes our Inner Critic), each of which has valuable qualities and each of which is designed to -- and wants to -- play a valuable role within. These parts are forced out of their valuable roles, however, by life experiences that can reorganize the system in unhealthy ways.

Even though I am trying to help and this post will be verified I am not allowed to post links so Google "Internal Family Systems" (the website is called SelfLeadership) and click on About. Watch the video, read and listen to find out more.

I also thought of Lisa A Romano. She has great insight, speaks from the heart and from experience.

Find her on Youtube. Pick a playlist and a video that speaks to you. Try a couple.

Hopefully this will start you on a journey of recovery which if nothing else might be a "distraction" from focus on failure/success, competency/incompetency.

With much love.