Yes there is no escaping the fact that I so want to cure myself intellectually but alas the feelings are going ot have to be felt at some point,

Told T about a site I was reading and talked about the hug thing, well I actually just darted in and out quickly with the hug chat, but she said you seem to want to cure yourself intellectually, but that still leaves the feelings.

I told her I feel like she will have to put a stick of dynamite in my head for me to ever be able to go there.

I told her suddenly that I felt like a prisoner there, she said what you feel like I am making you come ? I said nooooooo, I guess what Im meaning is I feel entrapped by my own inabilty to open up.

She said I don't think thats static, there is movement there.

Funny I really felt very hyper in session today, and felt the need to have T talk, now I think its because we have no T next week and I was trying to get as much of T into as possible.

I hate this pain of wanting/not wanting because one is afraid it won't be enought if we want it? I dunno.

Think I'll stop reading stuff and just sit with the discomfort of not knowing %#@&#! all about %#@&#! all.