That's what I just found myself thinking and muttering to myself a few moments ago...

I guess I've been in denial about how awful it's gotten... all of it; my depression and anxiety (I'm pretty much agoraphobic and live in bed now), my life circumstances (terminally ill mother, asshole father (both alcoholics who argue when drunk), haven't been in school for two and a half years, no job or future prospects, single and extremely, persistently lonely, living in a house that is dirty falling apart, lack of a support system or family/people who care about me, I could go on)...

I just want out. Not out as in get a job and move out... my mental and physical health have atrophied so much I cannot reasonably expect that to happen any more. And let's say I do these things... yes, I'd be independent finally. But I'd be alone, and probably just as unhappy. I've always been alone and unhappy.



Please don't tell me it gets better or say comforting things that mean nothing to the bigger picture. do not suggest I call a hotline or get a therapist/meds. I don't particularly want help. I don't want to be told right now to just do this and that and then I will be better. I am tired of that. I just need to get this out somewhere. Nobody else is listening. Nobody else cares. Thank you.