So, I have long suspected that I've had some kind of cyclothymia or bipolar type II. I'm a psych nurse (undoubtedly drawn to the profession by my own issues) so I have a pretty clear picture of a lot of mental illness and its symptomology. I've always avoided being actually diagnosed though, for various reasons. Pride being a big one of them.

Got an actual diagnosis today though, from a registered psychologist. Bipolar II. I don't understand how all at once I'm not surprised, but also I am devastated.

I'm re-evaluating almost all of my major life choices and how they've been influenced by a hypomania or a depression. How unstable my moods really are. What a strong family history I have (mother, father, brother, all with psych diagnoses). Somehow though I have always just had this idea that I'm too high functioning to warrant an actual diagnosis. This last summer has been a **** show for me though, brought on my a pretty serious episode of hypomania, resulting in some bad choices.

I came home and just cried. Maybe I should feel better? Like my issues and mood swings aren't entirely my fault? But I just feel like a failure. My whole outlook on the rest of my life has been turned around. I don't even know if I want kids anymore... I certainly don't want to be the kind of parent that my mother was, and I don't want to pass on my mental illness genes to any children.

Sorry guys, my head is in a really weird place right now. I don't even know what to do or think.

How were you first diagnosed, and how did you cope with it?