I feel as if I just don't care anymore and am so lonely that I don't even reach out to anyone. As soon as I moved in with my parents after I got divorced I stopped sending Xmas cards, I used to reach out to some friends but now I just feel used by them and don't even want to talk to them anymore.

I have some booty call type relationships and I no longer am interested in them. One guy I was practically in love with ( I wanted more but knew he was just using me) He has been texting me and I just ignored him.

another friend (so called friend) I always wanted to go out with. Even if it was somewhere I didnt want to go, I would go anyway because I craved going out and being around people and I had no one else to go with. Now, she keeps trying to get me to go out and I am just ignoring her.

I wanted to date really bad right after I got divorced and actually when I was still married. Now, my mind doesn't even think that I will ever be married again. I feel I am destined to be alone.

Am I just growing up (now that I am in my 40's), am I so lonely that I have given up? the other day I actually felt suicidal. I was tired and worn out and everything was bothering me.

I crave action, friends, travel, parties, etc. but see no future of that. All I see is myself dying alone because I will have no one to help me.