Hello defyinggravity65: Well, from what you wrote, it sounds to me as though there is simply a mismatch between you & your boyfriend. I'm not so sure this is your problem. It's not necessarily his problem either, although I will suggest that drinking as much as he does is not healthy no matter how many people in Wisconsin do it.

The problem here, from my perspective, is simply that you & your bf are two very different people. And, from what you wrote, neither of you seem able to change or modify your approach to life in order to accommodate the other. My wife & I have been married a long time. And over the years, in many ways, we've become different persons than we used to be. So in order to stay together, each of us has had to figure out ways to accommodate the other. In some cases, it has meant that one of us has lost something significant in our lives. But that's simply what it takes to remain a couple.

So, again from my perspective, what you & your boyfriend are going to have to figure out is whether it is more important to each of you to live the way you want to live or whether your relationship is of great enough importance that you're BOTH willing to compromise. (Note I said both... not just you...) I don't believe you are either evil or selfish. Yes, perhaps there are more effective techniques you can learn as far as how to react to your bf's drinking & partying. Therapy may be of some benefit in this regard. However, learning more effective communication skills isn't going to change the fact that you & your bf have very different approaches to living life day-in & day-out. I wish you both well...