I totally feel for you in your situation, I had a similar experience with taking care of my mother in law in my home. It took over a year to finally find out that alzheimer's was what we were dealing with in regards to her bizarre behaviors. She became very hard for me to deal with, I couldn't get her to do basic things like bathe, I would find her medicines wrapped up in tissues and hidden in the trash or thrown in the toilet, she was angry and cussed me under her breath constantly, and did I mention she was dirty? I did my very best to deal with everything but was woefully unprepared to care for someone with not just alzheimer's but many other physical illnesses as well. It took my husband stepping in feces in her bedroom to finally get him to realize that she needed to live in an assisted living home. One additional thing that I was dealing with was the fear that my kids would come home alone and find her dead from one of her other illnesses.

Moving her to assisted living was the best thing we did, I am positive it prolonged her life as she was getting the round the clock medical care she needed, as well as, taking her medications regularly. They were able to keep her clean, she ate better and when she was up to it, she had a dining room to eat in with other residents so she was able to socialize in some capacity.

The biggest advantage though was that my husband and my family were able to become son and grandkids again, rather than caregivers. The stress relief was amazing. Their relationships got better, not so adversarial. Me of course, I continued to be the 'bad guy' because I was the one who had to make her get up and go to dr visits and other such things she found disagreeable. She was very much like a 3 year old. I eventually had a mental breakdown due to all of the stress and anger I was having to absorb from her.

I imagine it is easier to handle someone like this when you are not emotionally invested but as a partner/child/family member who becomes a caregiver for someone in this condition, It is truly heartbreaking and mentally/physically exhausting.

I was like you, I didn't want to be the person who made that decision, I had to wait for my husband to make the decision on his own. I had already done research of facilities so when he did decide, we had information on hand. The one thing that made the move easy for her? She was looking in the paper for apartments on a daily basis, we presented the assisted living facility as a 'new apartment' complex. It was a nice place, lots of amenities and if I ever get in a position where I need a facility, I would definitely choose that one.

Best advice I can give? Take care of yourself, limit time spent with your friend if you need to, and be aware of when you are becoming overwhelmed so you can ask for help.

I should have picked up on the clue that I was ready to run away from home and was counting the days as a sign that I had become completely overwhelmed. Much like new moms...I felt like I was supposed to be able to do this on my own and if I didn't I was a failure. That is so far from the truth.