I'm exhausted of this. 6 years I'm living in a world of my own, with people I've created to keep me safe of the people I have not created and are just there. I'm tired of saying "I'm okay" because damn it I am not. I want to wake up. I want my old life. I want a childhood. I want to play with real people and not just my delusions. I want to feel normal emotions and not just paranoia. I want normal friends and normal school life. I want to be able to go a day without some kind of an attack or an episode. I don't want to go to bed every single time crying and exhausted of the medications. It's just ****ing frustrating and to be honest, people have told me that I am strong but damn it I can't be strong for forever. It's not normal for a 16 year old or in fact for anyone to be like this. And every single time that I say to either my psychiatrist or my mother that I need help, I would either get prescribed new pills or get told that it's because of puberty. I want answers, I want a cure and I want help, and I wont stop searching no matter what it costs me. And damn it I will wake up, because this is not a life, this is a full blown nightmare.