I understand, I have psychotic symptoms since I were like 9 that became worse when I reached puberty at 11.
I cannot say I want my past life since I grew up in a extremely abusive home that almost killed me, but I want back is being able to feel joy -anhedonia i gulity-, motivation -abulia makes me lazy- and have words in my head to say things -alogia makes me asocial-.

I have a ton of problems even when I take meds -I did in the past-. I have never had a childhood either, or a teenhood, I don't have any family or friends. So I can completely understand how you feel about living with mental disorders since being too young, it destroys everything, a normal childhood, a normal life, getting a work... -I am considered disable and I am given money since I cannot work-.

anyway somehow I am at college, I just want to tell you there is some hope and you can still build a live,