As red panda pointed out, this is a matter of her speaking up when she is offended and you choosing to remain silent. Personally, I see speaking up and informing someone when they have offended you as a sign of respect and, quite possibly, trying to build closeness. It's what we do in friendships. We tell people what we like and dislike and how we want to be treated. If you say nothing when you're offended, you are shutting the other person out. You aren't giving them an opportunity to learn about you and how you want to be treated. She has absolutely no way of knowing that she is offending you if you haven't told her. She may think she is being funny and you like the comments. For example, I'm a little bit clumsy and my best friend teases me about it. It doesn't bother me because it's true and I can laugh at myself when I manage to trip on an uneven sidewalk in 3 inch heels. But if it did bother me, I would say something. I would give him the opportunity to understand me better by explaining why he had hurt my feelings and he would probably change his behavior because he cares about my feelings. If you want to build relationships, it helps to let people in. I don't think staying silent is giving them the benefit of the doubt; I see it as shutting them out.