Aw, thank you. :3 I really appreciate it.

The thing with me and helplines is... I don't exactly trust them. I've never used one myself, but I've read so many stories of others using them and then, suddenly, the cops are at their door! Because the people were honest about their suicidal feelings, and the ones on the other end overreacted. I'm downright terrified of the same thing happening to me, especially since I have a fear of cops. And with the way things are going in the "mental health world", where things are becoming way more safety-focused (if they say they're suicidal, lock them up) rather than hearing a person out, I just don't feel safe sharing my REAL feelings with one of these helplines... At least here on PC I can be honest about such things.

And I have also read many stories of people using helplines and getting listeners who are downright rude and unhelpful. When I'm in a deep depression I can be very sensitive and vulnerable... rudeness from others at a time like that can leave me feeling even worse. And when I am already that depressed, I really can't afford to feel worse.

Maybe these sound like excuses, but I don't see much of a difference between talking to strangers on helplines, and talking here... except that I trust the lovely people here.

Thank you for your response!

Thanks, Rohag. I've always loved writing creatively, but writing down my feelings also really helps... It's good not to keep it inside.

In any case, I do feel a lot better today than I did yesterday. I actually had a shower and brushed my teeth. It's funny but for me it seems that the day after a really bad day is usually a decent one. I am not happy by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm not in as much pain. It is a much needed respite, however brief it may turn out to be.