I'm really glad I documented all this. It really helps me to go back and re-read and see the dates go by. It's been a while we've been sleeping apart. I think I have emotionally divorced him. I'm tired of his games. We should never fight a battle we can't win. He didn't understand me at all. He didn't know who I am. That's why we didn't truly connect. I so wish that didn't happen. I tried everything I knew how, short of driving myself right off the deep end...literally.

I think my plan is to keep coparenting, be friends, stay apart, go to the therapist but admit my feelings of futility, and leave it at that for now.

I really feel like once I am away from the stress of this unfixable problem with him, I will not be feeling like I have all the symptoms of every disorder and illness. Sure there are other ways I have problems, but I always found a way to get around the problems they cause me or cope with them. This was the killer.