You know when things begin to make sense in your head
When I was talking with T about my feelings toward her, I drove home feeling I didn't quite get the soft cuddly T.
I guess unconsciously I was hoping to be taken in her lap type of thing.
But as i looked at the discussion objectively, it was as it should be between 2 adults. That T's slight emotional distance - though I could be wrong about that - was enabling me to 'stand up'.

In my mind i wanted to be infantantized. I wanted her to say she feels the same about me too! But in my rational mind I realized how unhealthy that would be.

Is hard to verbalize. But I could understand how T has to balance responding, but not in a way that keeps be clinging.
It's actually a very well played role.
In my mind i could see how if T had been the touchy feely type I sometimes read about, I would have got instant gratification, BUT, and this is the vital part. I would have been stuck.

Does that make sense. I felt a bit of a disappointment, afterwards, but that was running parallel with the feeling, I'd grown up a notch in that season too.
As I say, it's hard to explain. It's an inner experince.
T is like that good enough mother, that is willing to put the child first!