I do, I miss it. But I also know what happens next if I don't head it off. The squirminess that makes me want to jump out of my skin, the paranoia, the unfiltered running of my mouth, being convinced that I'm the most brilliant person in the world and then off to the races with delusions, etc.

But I have a feeling that I can control this so that it won't get to that point. At some point I could take a boatload of Seroquel which may make me sleep and get out od this...when I'm ready. It's such a fine line, a tightrope walk between sanity and insanity and the more you careen down the road towards insanity, the more likely it is that you'll fall off of that tightrope.