Hello RedStorms: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I'm an older person. But I feel very much the same about myself. My entire life, I've never been more than mediocre at anything. In a lot of cases, I was wasn't even that!

I personally just keep to myself at this point in my life. I prefer not to have contact with anyone, in real life. As a result, I don't have problems with other people bringing me down. But I seem to be pretty darn good at that all by myself. Every time I begin to feel like I've conquered my self-destructive tendencies, they swell up & overwhelm me. I strive to accept my self-destructive tendencies... with lovingkindness & compassion. But it's hard...

I send healing thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within...