You have given me some good advice recently and even provided some links to investigate and I appreciate that very much.

I know I have to help myself but I just feel like I can't. I want to be depressed and miserable and feel sad and sorry for myself. Why would anyone choose to be like this?

I am better when I'm around my friends and family and can actually feel somewhat happy (though I feel guilty for feeling that way for some reason) and interact with them. But as soon as I'm all alone in that house we shared I get depressed. Just seeing the house makes me upset and walking through the door is even worse. I have the door closed to one of the bedroom's he used and to the bathroom he used and I walk past that every single day trying to not notice them. My thoughts and emotions and actions confuse me.

I start seeing a therapist next week and it can't get here soon enough.

I still want him back. He's always on my mind. Every song, every place we've been together, every movie or TV show, etc are reminders.